Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar (SpongeBob SquarePants): Professor Grumpy Old Troll/Transcript
=Main= *''This article is a stub. You can help The Parody Wiki by expanding it.'' This is a transcript for Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar (SpongeBob SquarePants): Professor Grumpy Old Troll. *(Title Card) *(Transitions to an outside view of The Planet Earth Recital Hall. Inside, on the stage is Branch. Flowers are being thrown at him) *Branch: Thank you. (he bows) Thank you. (he catches a flower and sniffs it.) Ah. *(Grumpy Old Troll, in a sweater the same color as his usual shirt, watches, irritated, in the audience. A fish next to him leans over him) *Music Lover: Isn't it grand? *Grumpy Old Troll: What is? *Music Lover: He's such a great musician. He dosen't even have to touch an instrument to be brilliant! (The clarinet plays on table besides Branch. He moves his arms towards it and the cheering of the crowd gets louder) *Grumpy Old Troll: Alright, I've had enough! (He stands up and walks out) Bunch of nonsense! *Music School Headmaster: Why, here he comes now. *Music School Headmistress: (gasps) It is him! *Grumpy Old Troll: Huh? *Music School Headmistress: Aren't you the esteemed Branch the Third, who we all came here to see perform tonight? *Grumpy Old Troll: No, I am not, or would I ever want to be! I am quite content being The Grumpy Old Troll. *Music School Headmistress: Oh, dear. Well, that's too bad. *Grumpy Old Troll: Why? *Music School Headmistress: Because I'm head matron at an esteemed musical college in town and thought if you were Branch, I would offer you the high-paying and prestigious opportunity to come there and teach your very own music class. *Grumpy Old Troll: My very own music class? Did you say "Branch"? *Music School Headmistress: Yes. *Grumpy Old Troll: I'm... Branch. *Music School Headmistress: But didn't you just say a minute ago that your name was The Grumpy Old Troll? *Grumpy Old Troll: It is... No, I mean, uh, no, no, I didn't! *Music School Headmistress: Well, that's a relief. I mean, what kind of a moron would go to their worst enemy's musical recital? *Music School Headmaster: A very pathetic one, that's whom. (both laugh) *Grumpy Old Troll: (pretends to laugh) Oh. *Music School Headmistress: Well, good evening, Professor Branch. *Grumpy Old Troll: Who? ha, um, uh, and a good evening to you as well. (runs off) *Music School Headmaster: Hmm, music types. *Music School Headmistress: Ooh, they're so strange. *(Transitions to Grumpy Old Troll's music teaching lesson building. Inside, Grumpy Old Troll, wearing a large white curly wig, enters the classroom) *Grumpy Old Troll: (clears throat) Good evening, students. Now, our first... *Students: Good evening, Professor. *Grumpy Old Troll: As I was saying, our first... *(Oobi puts his hand up) *Grumpy Old Troll: Yes? *Oobi: Aren't you gonna write your name on the board like most professors do? *Grumpy Old Troll: My-my name? What for? *Oobi: Well, you know, it just seems like teachers do usually write their names on the board the first day of class. *Grumpy Old Troll: (sighs) Why don't you come write your name on the board? We'll see how you like it. *Oobi: Okay. *(Oobi walks up to the board and writes his name) *Grumpy Old Troll: There, now how does that feel, Oobi? *Oobi: Okay, I-I guess. *Grumpy Old Troll: Good. Now, why don't you take your seat and stop poking your nose into other people's business?! (Oobi walks back to his seat) Now, if we can go for five minutes without having any further interruptions. I would like to... *Dora: (laughing and pointing at Grumpy Old Troll) Hey, look! It's Grump... (Grumpy Old Troll quickly puts his hand over Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar's mouths, cutting off the rest of their speeches) *Grumpy Old Troll: Branch, everybody, they were about to say "Branch!" *Steve: Oh, uh, oh, actually, I think they were about to say Grump... (Grumpy Old Troll puts his other hand over Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail's mouths and they mumble) *Grumpy Old Troll: (nervously) Didn't you fifthteen nincompoops know? I have my name legally changed to Branch. And you are to refer to me only as Professor Branch from now until the end of time. Now blink twice so I know you understand. (Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail blink twice) Okay, good. (Steve and His Gang blink one more time) Hey, they blinked three times! *Boots: Wow, only eight minutes in and we've already been given a math quiz. Very advanced music class, huh, Steve and His Gang? *Blue: (Barks Yeah!, I'll say.) *Grumpy Old Troll: Would you fifthteen numb skulls mind telling me what you're doing in music class anyway? *Benny: Sure! Steve and His Gang's New Year's resolution was to learn to play an instrument! *Grumpy Old Troll: You told me your resolution was to sign up for an all natural slimming, toning, and increased muscle mass program! *Tickety: It was. We traded with Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar. *Isa: And we have been very happy with the results. See? (shows their muscular legs to The Grumpy Old Troll) *Grumpy Old Troll: Wow, those are impressive results. *(Transitions to later in the classroom) *Grumpy Old Troll: (clears throat) As you may not be aware, music is a... *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar: (laughing) *Grumpy Old Troll: Music is a... *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar: (laughing) *Grumpy Old Troll: Music is a complicated series of... *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar: (laughing) *Grumpy Old Troll: Is a complicated series of notes that when played in the... *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar: (laughing) *Grumpy Old Troll: Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar, do you mind?! There are other people here besides you, you know. And I don't think they appreciate you defending them of my wisdom! *Tico: (sighs) We're sorry, Professor Branch. (Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar wink at Grumpy Old Troll) *Diego: Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail here keep tickling our feet. *Tickety: No way! They're making that up! It was them! *Grumpy Old Troll: You expect me to believe they were tickling themselves? *Slippery: You better tell him, Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar! *Baby Jaguar: (Meows Alright, It was us!) *Grumpy Old Troll: You all were tickling yourselves? *Dora: Mm-hmm! *Grumpy Old Troll: How? *Boots: Like this. *(Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar tickling themselves) *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar: (laughing) *Grumpy Old Troll: Alright, That's enough! *(Transitions to show the students now in a straight line, Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail at all ends) *Grumpy Old Troll: There. Now, as I was saying, music is a series of notes of complex... *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar: (laughing) *Grumpy Old Troll: Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar, I told you all to stop tickling yourselves! *Sidetable: Actually, that time, it really was me and Steve's Gang. *(Grumpy Old Troll looks baffled. translitions to later.) *Grumpy Old Troll: Now, I'm going to put some notes on the chalkboard. (Grumpy Old Troll goes to the board and draws a staff. Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail start whispering to Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, and Baby Jaguar) Exuse me? Is there something you all would like to share with the rest of the class? *Mailbox: Uh-uh. *Grumpy Old Troll: Go on, you've already interrupted once. You all might as well tell us what was so very important. *Shovel: Well, We were just saying that these lines you drew remind us of a railroad track. *Grumpy Old Troll: I have never heard anything more insipid, insane, uninteresting, or irrelevant! *Pail: Well, actually, there was a railroad convection in town last week, and we've brought ourselves this nifty conductor's cap. (Steve takes out the hat and puts it on) *Grumpy Old Troll: I have never seen a more ridiculous looking outfit on top of anybody's head, anywhere! *Steve: Well, We don't know. Suits our needs. *Grumpy Old Troll: What else did you all buy at this convection? Your very own locomotives? (starts laughing. Steve and His Gang pull up a toy train.) *Blue: (Barks Yes.) *Grumpy Old Troll: Ha! Ha! Ha! What the...? *(Steve and His Gang, now shrunk down to the train's size, climb into the train, toot the horn and drive the train on a track going past Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, and the other students. It then goes into what appears to be a tunnel which is then shown to be a garbage can being held by Grumpy Old Troll. Grumpy Old Troll then takes the can outside and dumps it with the other cans, then he goes back inside) *Grumpy Old Troll: Now, where were... (sees Steve and His Gang back in their seats) ...we? *(Transitions to later) *Grumpy Old Troll: This is what's known as a metronome. *Benny: Hey, Dora's mami has one of those in her garden! *Tickety: No, Benny, that was a garden gnome. *Grumpy Old Troll: (clears throat) Anyway, the metronome helps us keep time. *(He starts the metronome and it starts ticking. Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail suddenly start staring at the metronome as though they are in a trance. They start swaying to the rhythm) *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail: Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick... *Grumpy Old Troll: Do you mind? *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail: Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick... *Grumpg Old Troll: Is there something seriously wrong with your HEADS?! *Isa: Our whole life has been pointed in one direction. *Slippery: We see that now. There's never been any choice for us. *Grumpy Old Troll: Will you fiftteen nincompoops cut it out?! Or am I gonna... *(Knocking on the door. A news reporter and a cameraman enter the classroom) *Planet Earth News Reporter: Hello! We're with the local Planet Earth News Channel. I'm a reporter. (Grumpy Old Troll gasps and neatens his wig.) We're here to conduct an interview with the esteemed musical genius Branch the Troll. *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail: Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick... *Grumpy Old Troll: Please ignore them. *Planet Earth News Reporter: Are those students of yours? *Grumpy Old Troll: Nope, they're just morons. Come on, you fifteen, snap out of it! *Planlet Earth News Reporter: They appear to be in some type of trance. A case of genuine hypnosis like this make a much hotter scoop. *Grumpy Old Troll: Hotter? Scoop?! *Planet Earth News Reporter: Well, It's the sort of thing that borders the paranormal. Our viewers just eat that stuff up. *Grumpy Old Troll: Paranormal?! The only thing paranormal around here is how fast i'm going to make you two disappear. (He starts pushing the reporter and cameraman out of the classroom) *Planet Earth News Reporter: Don't blame me, blame the market. (Grumpy Old Troll slams door. A bell rings and Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail jolt as though as they have woken up.) *Tico: Wha...? *Diego: Where are we? We felt like we were in some sort of horrible trance. (Grumpy Old Troll's eyes narrow angrily) *Grumpy Old Troll: You wanna know what happened? *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail: Okay! *Grumpy Old Troll: You once again managed to single-handedly annihilate what might be the one and only chance I may ever get to sew just one tiny seed of creative hope into the culturally barren wasteland that each and every one of us is forced to call home! *Kako: Actually, I've been communicating from upstate. *Grumpy Old Troll: Now, I do suppose you fifteen have anything to say to yourselves? *Baby Jaguar: (Meows Well...) *Dora: We guess if we were to say one thing, It would have to be: We're sorry, Grumpy Old Troll. (Grumpy Old Troll looks horrified) *Steve: Yeah, we're sorry, Grumpy Old Troll. *Grumpy Old Troll: (frantic) No, no, no, no, no! Shh shh shh... *Kako: Hey! Did those guys just call you "Grumpy Old Troll?" *Grumpy Old Troll: No, no, no, no! They said "Branch!" *Grampu: Oh! I knew this guy was phony from minute one! I'm gettin' outta here. *Kako: Yeah, me, too! I'm gonna get my tuition back! *Grumpy Old Troll: No! Wait! (Everyone walks to the door and Grumpy Old Troll blocks it) NO! You're not going anywhere! *(The door is smashed open and several police men run in. Grumpy Old Troll, who was flattened against the wall by the door, is grabbed by them) *Grumpy Old Troll: Wha-What's going on here? *Moose A. Moose: Sorry, Professor, your little symphony is over. *Music School Headmistress: It's true, we're onto your little ruse! (The reporter and cameraman are there too) *Planet Earth News Reporter: What a hot scoop! *Music School Headmistress: The real Branch, as we all know, has a dark blue bushy hair just at the base of his head! (She points to Branch's hair) *Grumpy Old Troll: But... *(Nick Jr. Face takes Grumpy Old Troll's wig off) *Nick Jr. Face: No hair. Mr. Grumpy Old Troll, I'm placing you under arrest for impersonating a genius. *(Grumpy Old Troll is handcuffed again and taken away by the police. Dora takes out the metronome, starts it, and Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail start swaying to the rhythm again) *Dora, Boots, Benny, Isa, Tico, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Steve, Blue, Tickety, Slippery, Sidetable, Mailbox, Shovel, and Pail: Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick... *The End. Category:Article stubs Category:Spongebob Sqaurepants Spoofs Category:SpongeBob SquarePants TV Spoofs Category:Episodes Category:Transcripts